Robin McLean - FISH OBITUARIES (RESURRECTED)

Goodbye, Saphira

October 26, 2014

Henri Rousseau, The Sleeping Gypsy

A real obituary by Margaret concerning Sudden Departures, Uncertain Unsettling Unanswered Questions, the Bear in the Neighborhood, Farewells.

Not knowing is hard.

You just didn't come back one evening. It isn't unprecedented. You've stayed out all night plenty of times, but you were fed only in the evening, so you tended to show up, and if not at night, always the next morning. You slept a lot that particular last morning, but that's not unprecedented either, as I used to call you "kitty barometer " when you were sleepy on rainy days. I'd painted the floor of a room the previous day. Did this set you off? You were a stray, and we don't know why. Maybe change bothers you. One of your people was away for two weeks, a first time with her away for so long with the rest of us home. Were you missing her? Or, was it just a fox or lynx? Or, that bear that was in the neighborhood later in the summer? Read More

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PHINIUS and THE ORIGINS OF THE UNIVERSE #1

October 25, 2014

Edvard Munch

The Second in a Series of Follow-Up-Posts (taken from reader comments) this one by Cousin Rob connecting Dots -- Boats with Whales and Propellers, with Eureka Moments even if they're Wrong, with the Human ability to Rule and Destroy, with Ebola as proof of Human Impotence, with Adam and Eve.

As to PHINIUS.... There’s a larger point here, if only my pea-sized brain could grasp it (the whale and his orange-sized brain would have no problem grasping it, even while illustrating it). First of all, the ability of humankind to draw references, to connect dots, is what gave us the ability to run them over in boats. But the dots we connect are as random as evolution. Tons of blind shooting (I wonder if it’s the same whale…) and then a random strike of actual insight and certitude.

It’s kinda like the idea that just as all of these random insights eventually congealed into an ability to rule and destroy nature, we all go back in fits and starts and evolutionary dead ends to a single cell of life. Read More

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PHINIUS: SAD, COMPLEX STORY #2

October 20, 2014

YES, WE ARE ALL RELATED

After a brief (by universal standards) hiatus, FISH OBITS is back on its feet, this time by the long awaited Second in the Series of Sad, Complex Stories, this one by long awaited guest super-star blogger, Tim Sutton, concerning Baits and Hooks, Sadness, Puzzles and Stupidity, Denial of Our Reptilian Natures, the Interconnection of All Species, and the Omnipresence of Death:

While checking facebook this morning, I noticed a story trending on the Wall Street Journal: “Washed Up Whale Puzzles Long Island Beachgoers.” Having been “hooked” by the “bait” I clicked the link to find out a 58 foot long, male fin whale washed up Thursday morning on the beach in Smith Point County Park on Fire Island, part of a string of barrier islands along Long Island’s southern shore. The WSJ quotes a local eyewitness: Read More

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Comments

Oct 20, 2014 6:27 PM EDT

Tim, this is most amusing... and sad. I particularly like your riff on the "related" business.

- Margaret

Oct 23, 2014 7:18 AM EDT

Blunt force trauma! Ship strike! A sad tale indeed. Thanks for the heads up; reminds us why we're glad to be indoor cats. Primordial ooze notwithstanding, we admit to being carnivores. But we don't eat whales. Or fish. Or turtles. RIP, fellow unfortunates.

- Kisu and Whisper

Oct 24, 2014 2:45 AM EDT

There’s a larger point here, if only my pea-sized brain could grasp it (the whale and his orange would have no problem grasping it, even while illustrating it). First of all, the ability of humankind to draw references, to connect dots, is what gave us the ability to run them over in boats. But the dots we connect are as random as evolution. Tons of blind shooting (I wonder if it’s the same whale…) and then a random strike of actual insight and certitude.
It’s kinda like the idea that just as all of these random insights eventually congealed into an ability to rule and destroy nature, we all go back in fits and starts and evolutionary dead ends to a single cell of life. It’s possible. But rather than a single eureka moment, a lonely flash of life, what if back then the conditions for the origins of life were just there and that shit just happened. Spontaneously. All over the place, in infinitely different ways. I don’t see why that couldn’t be the working model.
That line of reasoning goes against the times, though. The ebola times, I mean. The scary thing about ebola is just how lucky we are that it isn’t incredibly contagious. I didn’t know this, but while it’s seriously infectious (as in, spreads quickly within your body), it’s not contagious (spreading between people). It’s so infectious that all you need is one cell of it to get into your bloodstream, and it can eventually take you down. With humans and planet earth, it took two of them hooking up in the garden…

Apologies.
I'll leave you all alone now.

- rob

Oct 24, 2014 12:20 PM EDT

Ah, so it just starts up wherever it is! I like that kind of outsider thinking. You could be excommunicated not just by the intelligent designers, but also the Darwinists!

- Timothy Sutton

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THE COVER

October 1, 2014

HERE IT IS.

Thanks to Peter, Jenna, and Melissa at BOA Editions and to Sandy Knight at Hoopskirt Studio for the cover design and to artist Roberto Lebrón for the boa image.

Some dreams are real.

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ZOMBIE INVASION

September 27, 2014

Can Zombie's have an Obit?

What Fish Obits editors do at night....

DISPATCH SUNDERLAND/ CAPTAIN DJ WELLMAN REPORTING VIA MORSE CODE SINCE ZOMBIES CUT SATELLITE LINK/ RADIOS ALSO DOWN/ WE ARE ENCAMPED IN SWAMPLAND NEAR MIKE'S MAZE/ MONITORING ZOMBIE HORDE ON RIVER BANK AT WARNERVILLE/ THE TOWN IS DESTROYED/ ZOMBIES FEASTING IN GRAVEYARD/ TOWN DUMP/ FARMS / HOMESTEADS/ EXTREMELY HIDEOUS AGGRESSIVE SLATHERING VERY HUNGRY/ LARGER SWARMS ARRIVING NIGHTLY FROM POINTS NORTH ALONG EAST SIDE OF CONNECTICUT/ HAVE TAKEN ALL RESIDENTS IN THEIR PATH/ HORRIBLE CARNAGE/ SCIENTISTS SENT OUT WITH SIRUM HAVE ONLY ADDED TO THEIR NUMBER/ APPEAR TO BE BUILDING BRIDGE OF THE DEAD/ MUST PREVENT A CROSSING FOR AGGRESSION WESTWARD/ WE MUST HAVE NIGHT PATROL/ REPEAT/ MUST HAVE MIGHT PATROL/ TRANSPORTS READIED FOR NIGHT MISSION AT 19.00 TONIGHT/ SEND BEST SHARP SHOOTERS ONLY/ SEND BRAVEST ONLY/ SEND THOSE WHO CARE FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR WORLD / CPT JD WELLMAN Read More

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THE RED BOOK

September 20, 2014

THE MISSING TEXT?

The First in a Series of Book Hunt posts, this one by Margaret, a Librarian in Fairbanks and North Pole Alaska, concerning Imaginary Customers, Inter-generational Rivalry, Red Books, the Almost-Completely True v. the Not-Entirely False, Horses as Compelling Even in the Digital Age, the Vagueness of Youth v. Approximated Recollections, the Power of Lunar Cycles, and the Joy of Finding Lost Objects.

So, as library employees, we often joke about the fictitious patron who comes in and asks for that book that's green and is about trees, or whatever exaggeratedly vague description you like. Well, yesterday it really happened to me up here in North Pole, AK. A tween girl came up to the desk and asked if we had a book that she'd read before that was red. (I was not the most successful in containing my amusement. A smirk emerged, but only the slightest of snorts escaped.) She continued that it was about horses and was something like "Horse Gentler". My co-worker and I both jumped on it, Read More

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DANGEROUS DISPATCH FROM ATLANTIC SHORES #1

September 18, 2014

We Are Warned

The First in a Series of Sea Creature Obituaries by the elusive Kate C concerning Gourmet Lunches, the Lack of Perks for Guest Bloggers, the Under-Representation of Guest Bloggers at Staff Meetings, Expenses Run Rampant, Bankruptcy, the Eating Habits of Large Aquatic Predators, Kayaks as Snacks, and Fear of Death.

Dear Robin,

In response to your Fish Obituaries' lunch meeting--a meeting (1) to which I was not invited, and (2) in which the amount of discussion about lunch roughly equaled the amount of discussion about blog ratings--I propose that you increase your focus on hot topics in the news. (I have to ask, was the lunch paid for out of blog income? I sincerely hope not. As a bankruptcy lawyer, I can just see where this is going.)

In my hometown of Scituate, we are in the throes of a crisis. A great white shark has possibly been spotted just off of our shores, Read More

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OBITS LUNCH MEETING #1

September 17, 2014

LUNCHTIME at FISH OBITS

The First in a Series of Fish Obits Staff Lunch Meetings, notes taken by Cousin Rob, as well as Margaret, and Robin concerning Google Searches and Supremacy, Lofty Goals and Deep Disappointments, Inter-state Rivalry , Vegetarianism, Soy Milk, Germs, The Omnipresence of Death, and Arriving at a Meeting of the Minds.

Rob: So #1 on the Agenda is Fish Obits' Google Ratings fluctuations. We all know the goal. The Good News: we made it to the #1 slot for the Google Search Term, "Fish Obituaries."

Margaret: Fantastic. But I always thought we were #1 anyway. Who cares about Google? Who made them Queen for a day? Ok, everyone, here are the sandwiches. Read More

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ALMOST COMPLETELY NOT FICTION / FARM STORY #1

September 15, 2014

PETTING ZOO ESCAPEE

The First in a Series of Farm Stories relating to Corn Fields, Innate Self-knowledge, Farm Boys, Lost and Found Objects,Fast Food as Absolutely Delicious, Make-shift Corrals, the Satisfactions of Instinct and the Love of Privacy:

1. Rosie, the Australia cattle dog, and Pearl, the mostly-always-dirty mid-western mutt, were walking through Mike's Maze on Saturday morning, well before the Public arrived for a day of fun in the sun in a cornfield. Their handler/ dog walker had not realized that the 10+ members of Mike's Petting Zoo had been dropped off and penned at Mike's Farm Yard the night before, under the veil of darkness: a gang of tiny newly-shorn lambs, several fat sheep, a few bearded goats, a shaggy pony and one Huge Texas Longhorn. Read More

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RODENTS IN THE MILLIONS / BIG APPLE DISPATCH

September 11, 2014

MAMA RAT caring lovingly for RAT BABY

The SECOND in a Series of Rodent Obits. (We expect another from Debbie soon since she knows which one I mean) this one by the mysterious Kate C (who still has not found a pen name) CONCERNING CONFLICT: the Joys v. Perils of New York City, Natural v. Unnatural Deaths, Cockroaches v. Rats, Mice v. Cats, Traps v. Garbage v. Overpopulation, Los Angeles v. The Big Apple , Afterlife v. Reincarnation, and "Everything is just Fine" v. "What's Wrong with People?"

It is with great alarm that I write to report an extremely serious problem happening even as we speak in New York City. There are rats in my son’s apartment. (There is apparently no point in even mentioning the cockroaches, which, I am informed, pale in comparison to rats. Until now, I was unaware of there were degrees of difference between rats and cockroaches on the scale of disgusting things.) The landlord was notified. Read More

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FISH OBITUARIES (RESURRECTED)

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